3 Haziran 2012 Pazar

Epistulam ad Mosquitam (A Letter to Mosquito)

Dear mosquito,

I understand your attempt to suck my blood and I truly respect your effort. To be honest, I think there are some species on the earth that think we do much worse things to them then you do to us. However, this is how things work, you know. So I don't write this letter to only say "please leave me alone, you son of a bitch." but I will also tell you about a 1 years old baby that I can save if you don't suck my blood and some risks of sucking my blood.

I donate blood regularly but if you and your friends continue to decrease my blood level, I might be unable to donate blood after some point. Think of a baby who lost half of his blood during parturition of whom blood type is A+. I know you love A+ but if you go and suck some AB+/-, 0+/-, B+/- or even A-, I can save this damn baby. Don't you also want to save his life? As you are so stupid to understand what is so important about his life for you, I'll tell it explicitly; If the baby grows up, he will carry liters of blood. You are going to have his blood plus mine.

Another reason not to suck my blood is I ate chicken. You suck my blood in your body so you actually, suck chicken in your body. Don't you feel that this is disgusting? I mean who wants a chicken in her body except foxes or boa constrictors. You see, we have something common.

Lastly, I drink a lot of coffee and alcoholic beverages which means my blood contains high levels of caffeine and alcohol. However, presumably, caffeine and alcohol does not exist at the same time which has implications for your tiny little organism. When there is lots of caffeine in my blood, if you suck it, you will fly like crazy and we will be able to kill you very easily. When there is lots of alcohol in my blood, if you suck it, you can't fly and again, we will kill you. I don't even mention to risks of blood attacks because of caffeine and alcohol. As you see, sucking my blood is not very clever idea because times that I drink coffee and times that I drink alcoholic beverages are collectively exhaustive and mutually exclusive.

In short, by not sucking my blood, you can save a baby that will provide you and your species lots of blood for years, avoid including a chicken and risks of dying because of caffeine or alcohol. What else do you need to get out of my fucking room, you bitch? If the problem is starvation, I swear I am going to provide you enough blood in a plate daily in front of my window. Just get out or I will do things, things that you cannot imagine, things that are not done for ages, things that will cause extinction of your species. OK, I am talking about planting eucalyptus and use insecticide in my room but you must believe me, I will do it. GET OUT.

Homo ludio.